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    the impending doom of coherent discourse..., 2007-08-31 00:25:16 | Main | toast..., 2007-09-05 14:13:27

    whipping a big fat PR salami onto the table:

    No doubt you imagined, like me, that it would be Cheney and the AEI leading the charge to drum up support for an attack on Iran?

    Silly, they'll just be providing suppressive fire for Barack Obama. All those scary stories and his tough solution is "more diplomacy", by which he means a unilateral divestment campaign, something already effectively in place. Meow!

    If you're going to repeat ghost stories about an official enemy and then top it off with a paean to diplomacy I don't see how you don't end up looking like, as they say, a pussy. Honestly, how's the politics of it work?

    POLITICIAN: Transylvania has vampires!
    PUBLIC: No!
    POLITICIAN: Yes! And they're being sent to hunt down your children!
    PUBLIC: Oh no!
    POLITICIAN: Not only that, but they're making progress on engineering a city-destroying vampire mega-squid!
    PUBLIC: Holy crap!
    POLITICIAN: Unholy indeed! And their president says he wants to wipe his ass with our Constitution!
    PUBLIC: Vampires at the National Archives!?!
    [...mass pantsloading ensues...]
    POLITICIAN: You heard me!
    PUBLIC: What do we do!?
    POLITICIAN: I think we could talk to them. And a divestment campaign! That'll show em we mean less business.
    PUBLIC: [...the sort of clamor made by an avalanche of falling dandruff...]
    SECOND POLITICIAN: Fuck that. I'd garlic bomb them back to the Italian age, open the shutters, and turn their vampiric capacity into dust.
    PUBLIC: Our hero!

    If it was actually true that Iran was beyond all doubt making progress on the bomb, supporting and organizing attacks against Americans in Iraq and Afghanistan, and their commander in chief publically threatening to wipe allied countries off the map, I'd have a hard time not voting for politiican number 2. Like most other people, I don't want to be sucked into the ravenous blood-sucking maw of that city-destroying vampire mega-squid politician number 1 just gravely warned me about, just so some tinpot loon can wipe his ass with my Constitution.

    update: so it goes.


:: posted by buermann @ 2007-09-04 19:46:47 CST | link


    Comments:
      I'm glad you used the vampires to illustrate this. My theory is that each "electable" candidate has his soul and a good part of his intellect sucked out in exchange for access to campaign resources. It happens in that special bunker, the one beneath the Oval Office, where the undead hold their unclean caucus.

      The more electable they are, the more time thay have to spend there. The vampiric process eventually makes them sexually attractive to the undead. Hence the looks of exhausted horror that sometimes spasm across their faces.

    posted by Scruggs @ 2007-09-06 01:36:14 | link




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